Stern #09 interview with Bill 25.02.2010

Not from this world

He’s loved or hated, nobody stays unaffected by him: Tokio-Hotel-Singer Bill Kaulitz is on the way to become a global superstar. For the first time the matured Musician talks about the burden of Fame, his fears, the longing for true love – and presents himself in a completely new Look.

Mister Kaulitz, You became a star at the age of 15 and since 5 years you’re living permanently under exceptional circumstances. When you look back, what do you feel?

The first years were like a flush. We didn’t have to go to school anymore, because it was besieged all the time. I, of course, thought that this was great. We could do what we wanted. But there was also an other side. I remember, that I wanted to celebrate my 16th birthday, but instead I had to give some interviews. It’s hard to develop this discipline and to accomodate to such things, it was exhausting.

2 years ago you lost your voice during a concert and you had to undergo a surgery. Now you’re on tour with your band Tokio hotel and you’ll play 32 concerts in 19 countries. How big is the fear that this’ll happen again?

I always carry this fear in me, it never leaves me. But I already played some concerts since then. It’ll work out.

Back then, did you think that you won’t be able to sing again in the future?

Sometimes yes. My whole life is based on my voice, that’s why it was such a horrible time. I was sitting alone in my hotel room in Berlin while the Band waited for me to return to Barcelona, to continue the Tour. I couldn’t even talk. I couldn’t even get out, because the whole Hotel had been surrounded by Paparazzi. I felt very helpless. The tour had to be cancelled. I’m glad that this is behind me now.

Tokio hotel was ridiculed as a short-lived teen sensation at the beginning. Meanwhile you’re on the best way to become global superstars. Is it a satisfaction for you, that you could show the critics
that they were wrong?

I’m over this now. It was important for me to prove that we’re not one of those one-hit-wonders when our second album has been released. Now we clarified this.

You played in Paris in front of a crowd of 500 000 people, after you got an invitation from the state president. What do you feel in such moments?

I’m really, really nervous before concerts. It constricts my throat, my heart beats fast and my hands are shaking. Then, when I’m on stage, everything happens as if you’re in trance. After the concert I often don’t know what I did on stage. The movements kind of happen automatically.

You’re under permanent observation, also through the Paparazzi. Is this a fulfillment or a
impertinence for you?

I can’t live with fame, and I can’t live without it. There are days, where I wish I could walk on the streets without being discovered. But what should I do? Bill Kaulitz as an office worker, sitting in front of the computer – I would become dilapidated. I do the things, that I do best. Standing on a stage and entertaining people. I get anxious when I watch TV and see an award show where Tokio Hotel aren’t present. I want to be on the top. That’s my internal force. It’s what’s holding me together.

Your Band polarizes the mass. One either hates or loves you…

…and that’s how it should be. The most horrible thing that could happen is when people wouldn’t care about me or what I did anymore. Tokio Hotel should arouse strong emotions in a person. Of course I could dress normally in the morning, to not stand out, but that’s simply not who I am.

Is there just an artificial Bill?

It’s not that I’m startled when I look into the mirror in the morning, but the Bill who wears make-up is much closer to me. But I’m also not just an artificial character, like many people still think. The ones who make the effort to look at old pictures of my childhood will see that I always ran around like this.

You grew up in a village with 700 inhabitants near Magdeburg with your twin brother Tom.

My childhood was a long struggle. I knew that by stepping into the school bus in the morning, that one half would laugh about me and the other one would insult me. My brother Tom and I felt like aliens on the wrong planet. Sometimes our step father had to get us from the bus stop with our dog and a baseball bat, so that we wouldn’t get beaten up.

Did you search this provocation?

Of course. I didn’t make life easy for me. I wanted to provoke them. I enjoyed it when I stepped into school in the morning and when one half of our classmates turned around. I know it sounds a little neurotic and sick, but that’s how it was. I could have never lived with the fact that everyone likes me, because I grew up with polarizing people.

Did the hatred towards you surprise you at the beginning of your career?

When I watch our old Performances and Videos I start to wonder. We were so young and innocent and had those baby-faces. And then there was this enormous hatred towards us. It wasn’t just one that people called me a “fag”. Today I find it amusing. I understand that some people had this expression, but that the newspapers still write about this makes me wonder. It has to bore the people to death by now.

Maybe that happens because you never show yourself in company of a women?

Yes, that’s the big gap in my life. I didn’t fall in love since I was fourteen. It’s hard for me to trust people. It may sound clichee, but I’m looking for a girl who’s like a soulmate for me. I’m very romantic and I’m actually waiting for my true love. But I could vomit when girls walk up to me at a party and ask me questions like “Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere. Aren’t you a musician?”. That’s a moment where I tense up – but honestly, I don’t know how you could start talking to me without this happening.

Your twin brother Tom is more loose when it comes to dealing with female fans. Do you envy him for that?

Of course. I envy everyone who can deal with situations like those more loosely. Back then Tom was the one who took a different girl with him after every After-Show-Party, while I was lying in my bed, back at the hotel. Groupie-Sex disgusts me. I hate it so much when girls start pushing around, just to be on a picture which will be printed in one of the newspapers tomorrow. Tom is different when it comes to this. But sometimes, when I like a girl, I request of him to stay in contact with her, to call and to keep writing short messages with her. We know everything about each other.

How big is the fear that a girl will sell your story to one of the tabloids?

We always calculate this possibility. We know what could happen, so we always phrase the short messages that we send to them, in a way, with which we could live when they would sell this story to the tabloids. That’s just how it is.

Is it even possible for you to lead a normal life in Germany?

For us, Germany is kind of like a huge Big-Brother-House. The people are always watching us. You can find an article in one of the newspapers almost everyday since I’m fifteen. We’re always filling up the gossip columns. Abroad, that’s different. We’re getting perceived as musicians there, not as people who you can gossip about.

Why aren’t you moving away from Germany, like other celebrities?

I like Germany. That’s where my family lives, and that’s where my home is. That’s where I live together with my four dogs and Tom, in a beautiful house with a big property. When I close the gate, I can rest. I wouldn’t have the heart to turn my back on Germany.

We have the impression that you’re loved more abroad, than here.

There’s not a single person in Germany who would listen to our music without having prejudices. There once was a survey on TV, where they let pedestrians listen to our music without knowing who it was from. Most of them were thrilled. As soon as they knew that it’s Tokio Hotel they made a face. That says everything!

A few months ago, your Band-Colleague Gustav got hit with a beer bottle on the head. Are you scared of assassinations?

I think that this could happen to me. There were situations at the red carpet where our Bodyguards had to pull people – who had camouflaged themselves as fans – out of the crowd, because they stood there with a knife in their hands. I’m also always tense while walking through the airport. I keep my head down and breathe heavily. Sometimes I watch myself from the outside and think: “Hey, Bill, relax!” But it doesn’t work.

How do you spend your free-time?

In the past I went to Clubs every now and then because I wanted to be among people. I thought that this had to work, but as soon as I stepped into the Club, I had to sit in one of the booths at the corner and let myself get goggled at by people. They held their mobiles over the barriers and took pictures, as if they were in a zoo. I can only relax when I’m away from all of that. Recently I was on the Maledives with Tom, but even there Paparazzi took pictures of us.

Recently you surprised us with your appearance as a Model during the Fashion Week in Milan. How did it come to this?

It was a dream that I fulfilled for myself. Already at the age of seven I bought cheap T-Shirts and Jeans to make my own clothes out of them. When the time comes, I’ll design my own collection, but I want to do this for real and not just as a job beside doing music.

What do you say to the accusation of you apparently being anorexic?

It bores me. If people made an effort to actually investigate, this wouldn’t be a topic anymore. Just take a look at pictures of me from five years ago or look at old pictures from my vacations. I was as thin back then, as I am today. I’ve always been like this.

Your brother Tom says that you two smoked pot and drank alcohol at the age of 13. How abstinent are you today?

Since I’m really afraid of losing control, drugs never had a chance to make me addicted. I tried a lot of things out at an early age, which is why I can let it go now. I could never play a concert, when having taken something before. That’s unimaginable!

With just 20 years of age you met a lot of other celebrities. Who impressed you the most?

Jay-Z surprised us by watching one of our concerts in L.A. Then we went out to dinner with him. That was great. and Karl Lagerfeld also impressed me. Maybe it sounds silly, but I think I could get along with Britney Spears very well. We kind of led similar lives in the past years, so we’d probably be able to tell each other a lot.

Is it true that you’re a fan of Angela Merkel?

Yes, I like Angela Merkel a lot. Lately she got criticized a lot, but I have to say that I still trust her. I believe in her.